God made her special

     Her name is Karyss. In Greek, her name means “grace”. Her name is perfect for her. Her name is perfect for all of us…everyone needs a little “Karyss” now and then. (Her name in Greek is spelled “Charis”) I did not spell it this way for fear of people calling her “Chair-iss), and surprisingly most people actually pronounce her name correctly!

     Karyss came into the world on November 26, 2000, six weeks early. She was only five pounds 11oz and twenty eight inches long. She was so tiny. Miraculously, praise Jesus. She only had to spend an extra week in the NICU due to her body not being able to regulate her temperature. She was tiny, but perfect! By the time she was fourteen months old I started thinking something was off. She wasn’t interested in walking, unless we “pushed” her to. She did start walking around fifteen months old. She was a mostly quiet baby and toddler, only crying when she was hungry, wet or tired. By the time she was two she was saying words such as “mama” and “dada” and “go” but not very many other intelligible words. She did babble a lot of the time. I know that we are not supposed to compare our children to other children, however, she was not my first child and I just had a feeling something was different. Being the concerned mother, I made an appointment with the pediatrician and took her in to be seen. I was reassured that nothing was “wrong” with her and that she was “just lazy” and would “eventually catch up”.

     Fast forward five more years and a week before we are due to move to Germany and my baby girls is diagnosed with Autism. Pervasive Developmental Delay to be exact. According to the spectrum she is on the “high end” which simply means that she does not have as many issues as some children who are severe on the spectrum. She will interact with you, especially if she knows you and likes you, she will communicate verbally with you, but sometimes has a hard time putting the right words together. Like many Autistic children she likes a “schedule” to follow, and she doesn’t like to venture far from this familiarity. She likes to know what comes next. (She is much like many of us in this way) She is a funny girl much of the time. If she does not know the word for something, she promptly makes one up for it. I could probably write a book full of “Karyss-isms”. She loves to sing and is quite the goofball at times. She likes to mimic what she hears, which is a characteristic in many autistic children. She is as stubborn as a mule, but that has nothing to do with her being Autistic…just human and MY child. *wink*

     Karyss has just turned eleven years old. Although she is not eleven years old in her mind, her body has started to mature, and honestly this scares me…just a little.  The Lord tells us not to worry about anything because he is in control, yet our human nature prompts us to take the things that we cannot control and gives us the illusion that we can indeed control them if we try long and hard enough. John and I are going to need all the help we can get to help Karyss through the teenage years and on into adulthood.

     I also worry about how she will view God. What are her thoughts? She has been going to church since birth and we have been teaching her about Jesus all her life. We also know that God made her, so therefore she has a capability to eventually understand what He sacrificed for her. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.” Psalm 139:13. I also wonder what she will be capable of doing as an adult. Will she be able to live (hold a job) and function (pay her own bills, raise her own family) on her own? These are all valid questions for us to ask.

     My fears as a mother really go beyond this world and what can happen to them while they are here. I worry about their eternity. Every time I choose to worry about Karyss and what she understands God somehow always brings me back to the fact that he is her creator. She will understand what He wants her to and in the time that He wants her to understand. His timing not mine. This is comforting and reassuring to me. He gave her to us (for a reason) and will never leave us hanging and wondering for too long. Parenting is never easy for any of us. I know that I don’t have all the answers, but I know who does. I know that while I continue to trust him and walk by faith, that he will guide me as I parent this special little girl that he saw fit to give me. He must know me WAY better than I know myself…go figure…he made me special too!