As I was reading a friends post this morning about living near family, I let my mind wander back to the early days of marriage and our young, new family. John and I married after only six weeks of "dating" and then six more months apart. We were reunited about a week before our wedding date of October 7th, in 1995. I had recently been discharged from the Air force and he was still active duty, serving his last year in his assignment at Ramstein Airbase. Truth be told, we barely knew one another. Truth be told, we weren't in "love" by God's standards of  what love is supposed to be. He was in lust and I just knew somehow that he was the one that I was supposed to be with. It felt right.

     Directly after our wedding we both returned as husband and wife back to Ramstein to finish up the last six months of his tour in Germany. We decided not to command sponsor me so that we would not have to extend our time in Germany. I was there on his dime, not the governments. Those six months we spent a lot of time getting to know each other in many ways. I am sure that we both had moments of thinking "oh boy, what did I get myself into?" I was twenty one and he was twenty six. I had a lot of growing up to do and I certainly knew how to get what I wanted through manipulation. John had been a free man for twenty six years and now all of a sudden he was a husband, a provider...and totally clueless. Great combination.

     A year and a half later and we're in New Jersey as newlyweds and we get the news that we're expecting. He's "not ready to be a father" and little did I know back then but I was not ready to be somebodies mother either. Somehow God felt otherwise. A new marriage, a new baby, a new place and no family around to help us out, to relieve pressures, to run to when we needed advice or to actually RUN away to. When the going gets tough...many of us choose to run, far away and to family. This is not always a good thing. It certainly wouldn't have been in our case.

     You see, had it been easy for me to just pick up and leave when I thought my husband was being unkind or unfair, or controlling I would have darted years ago. The truth is that most of the time I was the one who was unkind, unfair and felt as if I could control the universe and those around me in it. Let's just say that I am the thankful one today. I am thankful that he didn't make a mad dash for the door when he realized the troubled, frazzled mess of a woman that he was committed to "until death". This girl came with a lot of baggage and I don't mean the snazzy looking Louis Vuitton kind.

     I had a lot of growing up to do and the Lord knew this. My prayer for years was to live near my mother and father in Florida, especially while my girls were young. I could have certainly used the help that having grandparents living nearby could have provided, especially back then. I also know now that had this been reality that John and I probably wouldn't be the people that we are today. I would bet the ranch on that. God knows what is best for us. We have our hopes and dreams, we make our plans, but if we belong to Him sometimes he knows exactly how to toss that proverbial wrench into those plans for our benefit. I have learned that we can either complain and remain (in our situations) and let bitterness consume us or we can choose to trust that God knows what's best and just go with it. I am not saying this is easy, because most of the time what we want and think is best for us, is hard to let go of. However, we must choose to trust Him if we want the best outcome.

     John and I have had to grow up a lot in the past seventeen years. We have had to deal with ourselves, circumstances and situations without family around to cushion our fall. We have had to learn to depend on God and trust one another to not run when things became difficult. We had to choose one another, to push through, learn and grow. We have had to pray and trust God for the outcome of many situations through the years. I am not saying that family has never been there for us because that is not the truth. My mother gave up a couple of months of her life (and could have lost her job) to come out when our oldest daughter became ill and I needed help taking care of her while I was pregnant with our third daughter and an active toddler.  I honestly do not know what I would have done if she had not been there for us. (Thanks mom).

     If we belong to the Lord, you can guarantee that he will move us out of our comfort zones in order to help us grow. He does not want us to remain that immature child that must have her way or will throw a fit and he doesn't want us to remain that scared little boy afraid of stepping up to the plate and leading a family someday. We always have the choice to run away, however, He will eventually find us, discipline us (with grace and love) and set us upon the correct path. Just ask Jonah. ;)

     Take a moment to think about how much you rely on family to take care of you and how much you rely on the Lord to provide for you, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. He should be the first one who we run to when we are in need. I used to run to the phone to complain or vent to whoever was home to listen to my problems ...now I run to my Father (God). Our family loves us, but for the most part they have troubles of their own and do not have the knowledge or ability to fix our problems. Run to the one who is always there and has the ability to see us through. You (and your spouse if you have one) will benefit greatly when you run into His arms.

I will never leave you nor forsake you. Hebrews 13:5