Are you a princess?

I have been thinking a lot lately about what it truly means to be called a princess. What does the world “princess” mean in the present compared to what it stood for years ago? Many, many moons before we were born.

   I have noticed that so many like to call their little girls “princesses”. I agree that this is quite the adorable nickname when they are zero to three; it’s not quite as cute when they are twenty. I found the urban dictionaries definition of the word princess quite fitting for today’s little darlings. Princess A girl that has been pampered sheltered and spoiled her whole life to the extent that she has no friggin idea about the real world. Isn’t this the truth? Come on, think about it. It is almost certain that you know at least two self proclaimed “princesses” and if you are very honest with yourself, you just might know a few more.

In medieval times, to be called a princess meant that you were told who to marry and at a very young age, sometimes as young as seven or eight years old. You were betrothed not to somebody you were in love with, that wasn’t of any concern. You were married off in order to form alliances with another country. The main role of the princess in this era was to bare an heir to carry on a particular family name. Hopefully a future King. The princesses were taught needlework, languages, hunting and entertaining. They were expected to obey and respect all male members of their family (failure to do so was a crime against religion and there were dire consequences) and to have impeccable manners at all times. Princesses of this time were slaves to the men around them and only in charge of governing servants. Being a princess in these days was not glamorous.

More recent princesses such as Kate Middleton do not have life as harsh as the princesses of olden days, but they still have duties to perform. In an article that I was reading she (Kate) will have to quit her job, (put aside her interest as a web designer and photographer for her family’s business) and resume duties to include opening ceremonies and charity appearances. Surely her job is more tolerable than her sisters from previous centuries. I am sure they would have gladly exchanged places with her.

There is also another princess. She is a child of God, a daughter of THE King. She also has responsibilities and duties. She is also a servant, gladly serving the Most High, in his courts. She loves and respects every person who is placed in her care, even foreigners passing through. She has the love of her Father radiating from her and it shows in her actions. The King dotes on her, he calls her His beloved. She sings praises in his courtyards, cheerily going on about her day’s full work knowing this brings Him great joy. Words of wisdom and encouragement purposely fall from her tongue. He set her aside for Himself, showed her mercy and grace and carefully placed a crown of precious jewels upon her head.

   Do you fit the description of the urban dictionaries definition of a princess? Are you an actual princess in this modern day world, like Kate Middleton?.. Or do you fit God’s description of one of his daughters?

     As I was reading a friends post this morning about living near family, I let my mind wander back to the early days of marriage and our young, new family. John and I married after only six weeks of "dating" and then six more months apart. We were reunited about a week before our wedding date of October 7th, in 1995. I had recently been discharged from the Air force and he was still active duty, serving his last year in his assignment at Ramstein Airbase. Truth be told, we barely knew one another. Truth be told, we weren't in "love" by God's standards of  what love is supposed to be. He was in lust and I just knew somehow that he was the one that I was supposed to be with. It felt right.

     Directly after our wedding we both returned as husband and wife back to Ramstein to finish up the last six months of his tour in Germany. We decided not to command sponsor me so that we would not have to extend our time in Germany. I was there on his dime, not the governments. Those six months we spent a lot of time getting to know each other in many ways. I am sure that we both had moments of thinking "oh boy, what did I get myself into?" I was twenty one and he was twenty six. I had a lot of growing up to do and I certainly knew how to get what I wanted through manipulation. John had been a free man for twenty six years and now all of a sudden he was a husband, a provider...and totally clueless. Great combination.

     A year and a half later and we're in New Jersey as newlyweds and we get the news that we're expecting. He's "not ready to be a father" and little did I know back then but I was not ready to be somebodies mother either. Somehow God felt otherwise. A new marriage, a new baby, a new place and no family around to help us out, to relieve pressures, to run to when we needed advice or to actually RUN away to. When the going gets tough...many of us choose to run, far away and to family. This is not always a good thing. It certainly wouldn't have been in our case.

     You see, had it been easy for me to just pick up and leave when I thought my husband was being unkind or unfair, or controlling I would have darted years ago. The truth is that most of the time I was the one who was unkind, unfair and felt as if I could control the universe and those around me in it. Let's just say that I am the thankful one today. I am thankful that he didn't make a mad dash for the door when he realized the troubled, frazzled mess of a woman that he was committed to "until death". This girl came with a lot of baggage and I don't mean the snazzy looking Louis Vuitton kind.

     I had a lot of growing up to do and the Lord knew this. My prayer for years was to live near my mother and father in Florida, especially while my girls were young. I could have certainly used the help that having grandparents living nearby could have provided, especially back then. I also know now that had this been reality that John and I probably wouldn't be the people that we are today. I would bet the ranch on that. God knows what is best for us. We have our hopes and dreams, we make our plans, but if we belong to Him sometimes he knows exactly how to toss that proverbial wrench into those plans for our benefit. I have learned that we can either complain and remain (in our situations) and let bitterness consume us or we can choose to trust that God knows what's best and just go with it. I am not saying this is easy, because most of the time what we want and think is best for us, is hard to let go of. However, we must choose to trust Him if we want the best outcome.

     John and I have had to grow up a lot in the past seventeen years. We have had to deal with ourselves, circumstances and situations without family around to cushion our fall. We have had to learn to depend on God and trust one another to not run when things became difficult. We had to choose one another, to push through, learn and grow. We have had to pray and trust God for the outcome of many situations through the years. I am not saying that family has never been there for us because that is not the truth. My mother gave up a couple of months of her life (and could have lost her job) to come out when our oldest daughter became ill and I needed help taking care of her while I was pregnant with our third daughter and an active toddler.  I honestly do not know what I would have done if she had not been there for us. (Thanks mom).

     If we belong to the Lord, you can guarantee that he will move us out of our comfort zones in order to help us grow. He does not want us to remain that immature child that must have her way or will throw a fit and he doesn't want us to remain that scared little boy afraid of stepping up to the plate and leading a family someday. We always have the choice to run away, however, He will eventually find us, discipline us (with grace and love) and set us upon the correct path. Just ask Jonah. ;)

     Take a moment to think about how much you rely on family to take care of you and how much you rely on the Lord to provide for you, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. He should be the first one who we run to when we are in need. I used to run to the phone to complain or vent to whoever was home to listen to my problems ...now I run to my Father (God). Our family loves us, but for the most part they have troubles of their own and do not have the knowledge or ability to fix our problems. Run to the one who is always there and has the ability to see us through. You (and your spouse if you have one) will benefit greatly when you run into His arms.

I will never leave you nor forsake you. Hebrews 13:5
    

It's ALL in the 'tude you choose to have :)

I am going to share something that my life counselor, Gayle Hoone, wrote. I did not write any of this, however, I agree with every word...muchly! Enjoy...

ATTITUDE

I have a question for you today:  What is your attitude?

Attitude:  produces how I approach, take a stand, or position on any given subject

                dictates how I act in situations  

                is my outlook, my thoughts, my feelings

                is my mind set, my way of thinking, my view point, and “my” opinion

                are my mannerisms leaking in every circumstance

What is your attitude?

virtuous or vice

moral or immoral

apathetic or energized

facts or assumptions

seeking or giving up

patient or impatient

enduring or complaining

restraining or unrestrained

self-disciplined or disciplined

maturing or immature

Are you:  glad or sad … joy-filled or depressed … hopeful or hopeless … confident or ashamed

     What I know about attitude has to do with how I use my mind. If I don’t know what I’m thinking then how can I utilize what GOD has given, my intelligence? My intelligence is based on what I’m thinking. My thinking develops by what goes into my mind. So it seems to me I have been given an opportunity to either let my mind’s attitude run me, or I can run my attitude mind. How do I do that? Simply by knowing my thoughts and changing them. It’s simple but it is work! Find out how your brain thinks, and stop feeding its negative appetite, its fears (projections based on past experiences, projections based on current conditions). Sure, the fact is the world is becoming more and more chaotic. But, do I have feed my negative, fearful attitude?

”The longer I live the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our Attitudes.”  by Charles Swindoll

What is your Attitude?

check out some of the Promises of God in the article on FEAR

Gayle

Gayle Hoone is the head of  L.I.F.E. ministries in Newport Richey, Florida. It is a non profit (christian) organization for those struggling with addiction. Here is the link . http://www.loveisforeternity.org/

Two Thousand Twelve

Two Thousand Twelve:

   As I look back on Two Thousand Eleven I smile. This year wasn’t the best, but it certainly wasn’t the worst year either. As a military spouse I am used to constant change. Change is never easy for me only because I like to be where I am most comfortable. It’s kind of like growing up in a small town. You know everybody, the scenery and schedule doesn’t change very often and life can be pretty much predictable. Sometimes you even look forward to a few small changes here and there just to have a break from the lull of everydayness (is that even a word?)

   I grew up in Palm Harbor, Florida for eighteen years. I looked forward to leaving. I wanted to go where nobody knew who I was; nobody had any expectations of who they thought I was or what my future would hold. I was tired of the “same old same old”. I wanted an adventure. I remember getting off the plane in San Antonio and stepping onto the bus that would lead me to Air force basic training. I had no clue. It was scary and exciting. I like Joyce Meyers saying “Do it afraid!”  She says to use the power of God’s word to do what He wants you to do… even if you have to do it afraid. Good advice. Fear can cripple us and keep us in a place where God never meant for us to remain for too long. It keeps us from doing what we were born to do. Our purpose.

   So I look back on Two Thousand Eleven and I see God’s hand in our life. His provisions. We made plans and he directed our paths…in the opposite direction. He answered prayers, sometimes with a “yes”, sometimes with a “no” and sometimes with a “wait, not yet.” I noticed that this year it seemed a little bit easier for me to accept this. In previous years I might have cried, thrown a fit, continually asked “why” and become bitter and angry. Little by little I am seeing that if I trust Him, everything turns out for the better. My plans seem good, but His is always much better. When I remember this fact, it is easier for me to find peace. When I try to make everything go my way, the way I think things should be, I am not peaceful.

   Two Thousand Twelve is a year that will bring my family much change again. We will be leaving Germany in six short months. We have no clue where the Lord will take us, but we know that wherever it is, it is where He wills us to be and that we will be blessed. My husband is getting ready to retire from the Air Force (another big change coming in 2013). Are we scared? You betcha! In the past twenty years the military life is what we both have lived. It’s the only life our girls have known or remember. Change is inevitable in our lives.

   There is a verse in Ecclesiastes 3, which states “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under Heaven.”  (Turn, turn, turn)  This is true…for all of us. I look forward to the unknown in my future. It’s like opening a present on Christmas day…a gift. As I am celebrating this “New Year” weekend with my family and friends I will thank God for this past year, for all the trials and all the blessings and joy that it brought. I will look forward to the gift of this brand New Year and all that He will do and what He will teach me.

     I wish you all a Happy New Year! God bless~

Comparing ourselves to others (vintage blog post)

 I was just reading an article in my P31 Woman magazine. I really like this months issue a lot. I don't know about you, but I struggle with comparing myself to others. I never feel like I really fit in with other women. I have many different views on many different subjects and I am not above voicing my thoughts (sometimes very loudly). I have been told that I have a strong personality...and I get that this can rub a lot of people the wrong way. ( I see this in my youngest). I also believe that God gifted me with this for a reason and will admit that I am in the process of learning how to manage and appropriate this gift.

I have never been meticulous about much of anything, mostly because when I try to get things "just perfect" there is always something to unravel what I have just done. Always! This can be insanity for a control freak...(and it was for years).

Many people try to have a trajectory path for how they would like their lives to go. The only thing I was ever sure of is that I wanted to be married and have children. Once I was there I realized I was more clueless than ever before.

I never became fanatical over an engagment ring or planning my wedding (I wanted to go to the justice of peace, however I was my mother's only daughter, enough said.) When it came to having our children I was never meticulous about the brand of diaper, stroller, nursery furniture or preschool. Infact those conversations left me yawning. I always wondered why I just couldn't get into what seemed so important to the other soon to be mothers. (Kind of puts a damper in conversation making a get togethers).

Then I moved to Alaska, where nearly everyone I knew homeschooled their children, knew how to cook like the best contestant on "Top Chef" and could sew their kids easter outfits in a few days time frame all the while volunteering at church and making time for anyone who had a need. Comparing myself to these women, I felt like a big fat ZERO!

The worst guilt that I felt was because I honestly had no desire to do any of the above...and I felt that there was something wrong with me. Was I the only woman in the universe who wasn't interested in what most women seemed to be all about? Was I defective? Did God make a mistake?

Through the years I came to realize that this was just who I am and there was not anything wrong with me ( or the women who desired those things). We're al made according for our purpose, the purpose for which God made us, our mission while here on earth (which I have yet to complete).

Anyhow, back to the article I was reading that inspired my soul, and made me feel a bit more "normal". It's called "Things I don't do" by Shauna Niequist.

I am going to pick out exerpts from her short publication that made me feel so much more "normal" than I do most of the time.

"I love the illusion of being able to do it all. People with challenging careers, beautiful homes, vibrant minds and well-tended abs fascinate me. Throw in polite children and a garden and I am coming over for lessons."

"...One day Denise made a life-changing observation. She said it's not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What's hard is figuring out what you're willing to give up in order to do what matters most to you..."

Everything is my drug of choice. Sure, I can host that party. Of course, I can bring that meal. One winter, I got the kind of tired you can't recover from, and you fantasize about what it owld be liek to just not be tired anymore. I was complaining to my husband and bringing up the fact that lots of women travel, work and have kids. Why can't I pull it together?"

He siad something along the lines of "You know, Honey, just because some other people can do all that, it doesn't mean that you can or have to. Maybe it's too much for you."  One tiny, almost inperceptible beat of silence. And then I yelled from the depths of my soul: "I'M NOT WEAK!"

(I can relate too well to this author)

Things I DON"T DO:
I don't garden. Id on't do major home improvements or scour antique shops for the perfect home accessories. I don't always change my clothes because I am leaving the house. I don't make our bed in the morning. I don't bake. I don't scrapbook (although it's on my list). I don't spend time with people who routinely make me feel like less than I am, or who spend most of their time talking about what's wrong with everyone else." (author's list)

"...I have written in black and white, sitting on my desk, and when I'm tempted to go rogue and bake muffins, I come back to both lists, and remind myself about the important things:

...that time is finite, as is energy;
...one day I'll stand before God and account for what I did with my life;
...there is work that is only mine to do;
...a child that is ours to raise;
...stories that are mine to tell;
...and friends that are mine to walk with.

The grandest seduction of all is the myth that DOING EVERYTHING BETTER gets us where we want to be. It gets us somewhere, certainly, but not anywhere worth being."


(Taken from "Bittersweet" by Shauna Niequist, copyright 2010)

I think now, when I am standing in a room full of women, feeling ackward because I don't feel as if I fit in (conversations, etc). I will remind myself of what we do have in common, what is the truth and shake off the guilt of not *feeling* adequate or worthy enough, and that I have genuine purpose.

But most of all that I am not the only one out there who has shared this feeling and thought. ;)

Tis' The Season

Tis’ the Season

I love the peace of the Christmas season. For me, it begins Thanksgiving week. This is the week that I really focus on what I am thankful for, all my blessings…both big and small. Of course I do this throughout the year too, but to be quite honest, probably not as much as I should. Who is with me? Smile.

Lately, I have been thinking about those who are going through a rough time during the holidays. I find myself fervently praying for them, for God to comfort them and hold them while they mourn. Recently, Ramstein High School lost one of their own. He was just seventeen years old and a senior. His life was taken when he rounded a corner too fast and hit a tree about a mile from my house, back in September. I guess this has touched me because I remember that day clearly. My husband and I were taking a walk with our dog along the back roads of our village and as we were coming up the hill we heard sirens. Now, I don’t know about you, but when I hear sirens I begin to pray for the one(s) in trouble. So, naturally I began praying.  

·                                 He didn’t make it. A mother’s worst fear, my heart just broke. As I was praying the other day, I Google searched the young mans name just so I might find something specific to pray for. I was able to find the name of his parents and siblings. This meant a lot to me because that family has been on my heart since that fateful day. I couldn’t imagine losing a child. What I did find out though, touched my heart. This young man was a Christian and so are his parents. His mother posted on his Face Book page “Today I pray to make it thru the day. Tears are coming on their own. I miss being with my daughter, Charessa. And the first holiday without Brendon Is harder than I could have ever dreamed. Sis enjoy today... Mommy loves you and will be with you in4 days! Buddy have a blast up there with Jesus! You are more than lucky to not be on this earth and feel sadness and pain!”

·                                

     While this may be a joyous occasion for many of us, take a moment to think of those out there who are aggrieved. This time of year is not so joyous and peaceful for so many. There are people like you and I who are missing a husband or wife, or sister or brother, or mother or father due to a military deployment or perhaps a death in the family. Some are at the bedside of a sick family member or close friend. Maybe you can be there for them physically and lighten the burden…or maybe you can pray for them. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” Mathew (5:4)

     I know that for me, prayers would be coveted during this time in my life. Knowing that people are praying for me would probably be the only way I would have the strength to get out of bed in the morning and make it through the slowly moving minutes of the days that followed my loss. Would you pause during this Christmas season, join me and pray for somebody that you know is going through a hard time and/or suffering a loss?

Philippians 4:6-7 says “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Merry Christmas.  

God made her special

     Her name is Karyss. In Greek, her name means “grace”. Her name is perfect for her. Her name is perfect for all of us…everyone needs a little “Karyss” now and then. (Her name in Greek is spelled “Charis”) I did not spell it this way for fear of people calling her “Chair-iss), and surprisingly most people actually pronounce her name correctly!

     Karyss came into the world on November 26, 2000, six weeks early. She was only five pounds 11oz and twenty eight inches long. She was so tiny. Miraculously, praise Jesus. She only had to spend an extra week in the NICU due to her body not being able to regulate her temperature. She was tiny, but perfect! By the time she was fourteen months old I started thinking something was off. She wasn’t interested in walking, unless we “pushed” her to. She did start walking around fifteen months old. She was a mostly quiet baby and toddler, only crying when she was hungry, wet or tired. By the time she was two she was saying words such as “mama” and “dada” and “go” but not very many other intelligible words. She did babble a lot of the time. I know that we are not supposed to compare our children to other children, however, she was not my first child and I just had a feeling something was different. Being the concerned mother, I made an appointment with the pediatrician and took her in to be seen. I was reassured that nothing was “wrong” with her and that she was “just lazy” and would “eventually catch up”.

     Fast forward five more years and a week before we are due to move to Germany and my baby girls is diagnosed with Autism. Pervasive Developmental Delay to be exact. According to the spectrum she is on the “high end” which simply means that she does not have as many issues as some children who are severe on the spectrum. She will interact with you, especially if she knows you and likes you, she will communicate verbally with you, but sometimes has a hard time putting the right words together. Like many Autistic children she likes a “schedule” to follow, and she doesn’t like to venture far from this familiarity. She likes to know what comes next. (She is much like many of us in this way) She is a funny girl much of the time. If she does not know the word for something, she promptly makes one up for it. I could probably write a book full of “Karyss-isms”. She loves to sing and is quite the goofball at times. She likes to mimic what she hears, which is a characteristic in many autistic children. She is as stubborn as a mule, but that has nothing to do with her being Autistic…just human and MY child. *wink*

     Karyss has just turned eleven years old. Although she is not eleven years old in her mind, her body has started to mature, and honestly this scares me…just a little.  The Lord tells us not to worry about anything because he is in control, yet our human nature prompts us to take the things that we cannot control and gives us the illusion that we can indeed control them if we try long and hard enough. John and I are going to need all the help we can get to help Karyss through the teenage years and on into adulthood.

     I also worry about how she will view God. What are her thoughts? She has been going to church since birth and we have been teaching her about Jesus all her life. We also know that God made her, so therefore she has a capability to eventually understand what He sacrificed for her. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.” Psalm 139:13. I also wonder what she will be capable of doing as an adult. Will she be able to live (hold a job) and function (pay her own bills, raise her own family) on her own? These are all valid questions for us to ask.

     My fears as a mother really go beyond this world and what can happen to them while they are here. I worry about their eternity. Every time I choose to worry about Karyss and what she understands God somehow always brings me back to the fact that he is her creator. She will understand what He wants her to and in the time that He wants her to understand. His timing not mine. This is comforting and reassuring to me. He gave her to us (for a reason) and will never leave us hanging and wondering for too long. Parenting is never easy for any of us. I know that I don’t have all the answers, but I know who does. I know that while I continue to trust him and walk by faith, that he will guide me as I parent this special little girl that he saw fit to give me. He must know me WAY better than I know myself…go figure…he made me special too!